As an intentional community, we are dedicated to building a supportive and self-reflective culture around respect and clear communication. We make this declaration of our values not only to communicate this culture but also in public recognition that we actively reject rape culture and other forms of oppression. By entering into our community, you agree to heed these cultural norms. If you have any questions, please ask! This is also an iterative process and if you have any suggestions or feedback on our process or culture, we’d love to hear from you.
Our house has adopted the state of California's Affirmative Consent as a policy. This policy says ‘yes means yes’, as opposed to the old model of ‘no means no’. In practice, this means that if you want to touch someone, you need to get an explicit 'yes' from them. For example, “Hey, I’d like to give you a massage. Would that be okay with you?,” or, “Can I have a hug?” A ‘maybe’ or silence, or even a yes under persuasion does not count as consent and will be treated as a consent violation in our community. Remember that consent can be withdrawn at any time. This means checking in regularly! ** We understand that this can be a tricky thing to do in practice. If you’d like to talk to anyone of us about how to do this, we’d love to have that conversation so do please ask!
What does this mean? Sex positivity allows for and celebrates sexual diversity, different desires and relationship structures, and individual choices, based on consent. This does not mean that anything goes. This is an attitude that respects whatever choices an individual makes about their sexual and romantic behaviour, which may include asexuality or abstinence. Sex positivity is not about having as much sex as you can, it is about respect. The key is consent. This is to ensure that people are not unnecessarily hurt in the process.
Despite our best efforts, people get hurt in communities and violations do take place. We are committed to maintaining the safety of people in our spaces. This means that anyone accused of wrongdoing will be asked to leave the space. In certain circumstances we will help rehouse them in the short term. We uphold the principles of restorative justice both as a way of meeting the communication and dialogue needs of victims/targets/survivors of abuse of all forms, and as a way of attempting to create space for perpetrators/accused to reflect on their behaviour.
A culture that is part of a broader culture of violence rooted in broader systems of oppression, whereby individuals are socialised to certain forms of hierarchy, to commodify their fellow humans and to relate through violence and coercion.
** In fact, “Yes” is not enough. Consent is about preventing going against someone’s will. Because of this, yes under duress or psychological persuasion or dominance may not count. If in doubt, ask! If you are unsure at any point about how your partner is feeling, ASK. This may feel a little awkward, but remember that traumatizing someone or sexually assaulting them is an entire other world of awkward.